Conversation with Rob Fippard
Sequence 7 Revisions and Concerns
Hi Naomi,
Head cold, so I'm up wide awake, but completely stuffed up!
Done most of the tweaks discussed. Concentrating mostly on sequence 7 (the race) because this changed the most if we have Art and Lolly falling out instead of working as a team.
At end of seq6, Art isn't listening/noticing how upset Lolly is and rushes off so he can make the start of the race after getting his idea on how to race without registering (I put the hospital scene and race start together on the same morning for a bit of ticking clock tension, Art is clock-watching while Lolly is spilling her heart out).
Question is, can you see anything redundant or odd / missing from the following scenes I'm planning to rewrite for sequence 7?
- race intro from tv commentators, sponsor's messages, course map, favourites
- Psycho bailiff arrives at Part Angel to hassle Scoop
-Art waiting to join race from a hiding place
-Actual race rolling start action with favourites at front, 1st crash, tow boat and tv helo coverage of rescue
-Art joins but immediately gets attention of race marshal (unknown to him) Art not using Lolly's ice cream cone disguise idea
-More race action with race favourites, 2nd crash, tow boat and tv helo
THE ABOVE HERE IS CURRENTLY 5 AND HALF PAGES LONG
-Art dodging around spectators (because he is racing 'outside the racing line') (TARGET 1 PAGE)
-Art getting involved in near miss which causes him to miss tv-helo opportunity (TARGET 1 PAGE)
-Art now chased by race marshals (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art hides behind 1st landmark, misses another tv helo chance (TARGET HALF PG)
-Art calls Lolly for help/ideas (TARGET QTR PG)
-Lolly ignores Art's call while she is getting loaded up with presentation stuff from one of their mini-forklift employees (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art passes 2nd landmark (TARGET QTR PG)
-Race updates and sponsor's messages from tv commentators (TARGET 1 PG)
-Lolly arrives at Transom's ((TARGET QTR PG)
-Art's rushed hull repair from Bimini crash reopens during heavy sea crossing (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art rests at 3rd landmark (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art makes his way to Nassau passing company names/Lolly reminders (TARGET HALF PG)
-Art discovers refuelling problem (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art's call to Lolly overheard by Diesel, Lolly also gets panicked call from Scoop (TARGET 1 PG)
-Hound chase into museum (TARGET HALF PG)
-Museum revelation and chased out to sea, lost (TARGET 3 PGS)
-Storm (TARGET QTR PG)
... THEN WE GET TO LEGEND'S ISLAND, THE SPRINGBOARD TO SEQ8
Total targeted page count for above seq7 is 15 -ish.
many thanks, rob
Head cold, so I'm up wide awake, but completely stuffed up!
Done most of the tweaks discussed. Concentrating mostly on sequence 7 (the race) because this changed the most if we have Art and Lolly falling out instead of working as a team.
At end of seq6, Art isn't listening/noticing how upset Lolly is and rushes off so he can make the start of the race after getting his idea on how to race without registering (I put the hospital scene and race start together on the same morning for a bit of ticking clock tension, Art is clock-watching while Lolly is spilling her heart out).
Question is, can you see anything redundant or odd / missing from the following scenes I'm planning to rewrite for sequence 7?
- race intro from tv commentators, sponsor's messages, course map, favourites
- Psycho bailiff arrives at Part Angel to hassle Scoop
-Art waiting to join race from a hiding place
-Actual race rolling start action with favourites at front, 1st crash, tow boat and tv helo coverage of rescue
-Art joins but immediately gets attention of race marshal (unknown to him) Art not using Lolly's ice cream cone disguise idea
-More race action with race favourites, 2nd crash, tow boat and tv helo
THE ABOVE HERE IS CURRENTLY 5 AND HALF PAGES LONG
-Art dodging around spectators (because he is racing 'outside the racing line') (TARGET 1 PAGE)
-Art getting involved in near miss which causes him to miss tv-helo opportunity (TARGET 1 PAGE)
-Art now chased by race marshals (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art hides behind 1st landmark, misses another tv helo chance (TARGET HALF PG)
-Art calls Lolly for help/ideas (TARGET QTR PG)
-Lolly ignores Art's call while she is getting loaded up with presentation stuff from one of their mini-forklift employees (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art passes 2nd landmark (TARGET QTR PG)
-Race updates and sponsor's messages from tv commentators (TARGET 1 PG)
-Lolly arrives at Transom's ((TARGET QTR PG)
-Art's rushed hull repair from Bimini crash reopens during heavy sea crossing (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art rests at 3rd landmark (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art makes his way to Nassau passing company names/Lolly reminders (TARGET HALF PG)
-Art discovers refuelling problem (TARGET QTR PG)
-Art's call to Lolly overheard by Diesel, Lolly also gets panicked call from Scoop (TARGET 1 PG)
-Hound chase into museum (TARGET HALF PG)
-Museum revelation and chased out to sea, lost (TARGET 3 PGS)
-Storm (TARGET QTR PG)
... THEN WE GET TO LEGEND'S ISLAND, THE SPRINGBOARD TO SEQ8
Total targeted page count for above seq7 is 15 -ish.
many thanks, rob
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